We're The 'B' Team, oppurrating from a secret bunker somewhere in middle England ~ If mew have a purroblem, if no-purrdy else can help, and if mew find can us, then purrhaps mew can hire The 'B' Team. We also share a wide array of entertaining posts to amews mew each week, so drop by often to catch up on all the fun!
In our latest mind-blowing, fur-raising, most epically epic adventure to date when we attempt to travel around the wurld in 42 and a bit days!
What could possibly go wrong?
Pawesome greetings supurr pals
Welcome to Part IX of our latest saga and we know this is the post mew've all been waiting fur since fureffur, so let's get started and put mew guys out of your cliff-hanging, claw-biting, fur-raising suspense!
To catch up on the action, here's the links fur the previous episodes:
Parsley hollered. "We got that sucker dudes HOOAH!!!!!"
The heathens whooped, cheered, high-pawed and generally went berserk again as bits of the alien fell to the ground in smoking squelching heaps of charred, cindered flesh.
I helped Humphrey up the side of the sand dune and we looked at the carnage. Alien guts were effurywhere, and to be honest I was quiet relieved not to have been splattered in them.
Amber, Snowie, Pandora, Posie and Bob were jumping fur joy atop the other dune and suddenly came running towards us.
Aftur a few minutes of congratulations at our victory, Fudge said gravely, "Dudes, I've seen those Aliens before, they're them face-hugging, lava laying, busting out of the chest heinous mother freakers!"
We all turned to stare at him wide-eyed and and I said. "Fudge what aren't mew telling us?"
He took a breath and replied. "I was only a kitten when one crash landed at the farm we lived at..." he began to tremble and dropped his gun to the floor. "I was the only survivor but I saw what that thing did..."
'That explains a lot,' I thought too myself, then said gently. "Tell us more if mew can dude."
He gulped. "The big ones like that lay eggs covered in slimey goo, and a nasty lava thing hatches and searches fur any living creature, which it then impregnates ... a while later a baby one of those bigger ones bursts out of the victims chest... and goes on a killing spree..."
None of us had the wurds to express our sorrow fur his horrific kitten-hood experience. I patted him gently on the shoulder and then said. "Today my brofur mew got payback!"
He nodded and wiped a tear from his eye.
Parsley and Smooch were talking in sign language again; paws waving wildly and gesturing in all manner of obscene ways as they obviously didn't want to mar the moment of Fudges deeply disturbing revelation.
Snowie hugged Fudge as I sidled up to the two heathens and asked quietly. "What's the boggle dudes?"
Parsley looked at me. "If those alien freakers lay eggs, what's to say there aren't any on the TTTB?"
Smooch nodded sagely and added. "They could have hatched by now and be looking fur a host!"
Holy Cow BatCat We've Got An Alien Infestation
Posie floated towards us, a furry pensive look was etched across her face.
"What's up Posie?" I asked.
She glanced furtively around and then replied softly. "I heard what Fudge said about goo and stuff," she paused. "The stasis field was off-line just before when I was checking the holding cells, and at the time I didn't think anything of it but now I think those porkers weren't alone in their cell."
"Tell me that again?" I asked.
"The bounty hunter porker-dudes," she began. "The stasis field was off and they looked terrified as they stared at the ceiling. Then in the next cell I saw the scrap heap that was RMD#1 covered in some icky goo... dudes I think we've got an infestation!"
"Oh hell no!" I growled.
* * *
Meanwhile on the lower level of the TTTB...
...hatching had begun.
* * *
"Guys!" I said urgently. "We have a situation, Posie says the stasis field was off-line in the porkers holding cell and there was some icky goo in the next cell, if we look at the facts then we can safely say that we have an alien infestation on the TTTB!"
"Holy Cow BatCat!" Humphrey said. "Is it safe to go back inside as we're gonna need more weapons?!"
I looked at the boxes on the top of the opposite sand dune. "What's in those?"
"Flame throwers, Bazookas, Mini-Gun, oh and an extra special Gatling," Humphrey answered. "And then the extra ammo of course, there's a few Uzi's, AK's, pistols... mew know the usual can't leave home without it!"
I nodded. "So what's so impawtant in the TTTB?"
Humphrey looked a little sheepish before he replied. "That would be my new experimental gun."
I waited fur him to continue.
"It's still in the testing phase..." he said nervously.
I raised an eyebrow and gave him the look to expand on his explanation.
"It fires a triple beam," Humphrey began. "One inside the other."
"Oh a laser gun?" Smooch said grinning. "I love those!"
"Smooch, this one is a little different," Humphrey continued. "The outer light pulse freezes the target, the middle one renders the subject unconscious and the inner one deconstructs physical matter on a cellular level."
I let the wurds swim around my brains fur a couple of seconds before saying. "Mew mean it melts them? While they're frozen? And unconscious?"
"Sounds totally pawesome, what a rad ideadude... where is it?"
He pointed towards the TTTB and said. "I hid it in the cupboard next to the engineering console, but Basil I haven't really tested it on organic matter yet."
"Humphrey this is the purrfect oppurrtunity to see if it wurks!" I beamed, then added. "OK B Team, we're going to get Humphreys new weapon and do a sweep of the TTTB. Posie is going to go invisi-cat and scout the lower levels again. Fudge can mew tell us what the hatchlings look like dude?"
Fudge grimaced and gulped. "They had four long spidery legs, four tentacles and a oval shaped body, and it's blue. If those tentacles get hold of mew, that's it mew're done fur... once it latches on it releases a toxic paralyzing nerve agent, then it'll find your face and smother mew while it lays it's eggs down your throat."
Parsley growled, "Dude mew stay with us ok, we'll fry those bass turd alien muther freakers!"
Fudge nodded and headed towards the other dune and the pile of weapons.
He picked up a flame thrower and several extra mag drums fur his AA12. He also found a machete, and a rather lethal double-headed axe.
Smooch nudged Parsley and began to sign, paws waving all offur the shop. Parsley answered almost as frenetically and finally I said. "Can't mew two just speak like normal cats?"
They shook their heads and answered. "Nope!"
"OK so what's so impawtant that mew can't say it aloud?" I pressed.
Parsley drew closer and whispered. "Just look at him Basil." He pointed towards Fudge. "He ain't no pussy but dude he knows what's in there is bad, real bad."
"Your point being?"
"He knows it's a one way ticket, that why he's arming himself to the teeth dude!"
I turned to watch Fudge add several grenades to his tactical belt.
"Dude, he's gonna blow up the TTTB fur sure!" Parsley whispered. "He ain't gonna let any of them face-hugger things out alive, because he knows it'll be the beginning of the end if he does."
I nodded thoughtfully.
A few minutes later aftur we'd picked the boxes clean of weapons and ammo I said. "B Team let's move out, Snowie comms channel 5 on my mark," I counted down. "Go!"
Pandora and Amber were still arming up as we headed towards the TTTB door. Snowie was using her ipaw [purrsonal pawtible puter.] "Yep comms on 5 Basil!" she answered, and began to check her weapons."
* * *
Meanwhile on the lower levels....
* * *
We entered the bridge in total stealth, the regular lighting was still on which was nice fur a change. I gestured to Humphrey to get the experimental weapon and while he was arming it we did a sweep of the bridge.
"Clear!" I said quietly into my comms unit.
"Clear!" came the unanimous reply.
We headed towards the Katzen Karaoke Bar and the stairwell down to the lower levels. I pulled the door open extra quietly and listened intently. Signalling 'go' the B Team headed down.
* * *
Posie in her invisi-cat form was already scouting the lower levels, and she was just heading towards the holding cells when the most heinous muffled squealing and shrieking sounded. Posie sped towards the bars and saw one of the face-hugging-octo-spider aliens scuttling towards the bound space-hogs.
She zoomed to the nearest computer console and used her voice activation to opurrate the comms channel. "This is Posie," she whispered. "I have eyes on one of the hatched aliens, it's just about to impregnate one of the space-hogs!"
* * *
I signalled fur a full speed ahead and we charged like the heathen horde we are, in total stealth of course. I was priming my flame thrower as was Fudge. Parsley and Smooch were all about the Gatling and Mini-Gun, and they also had bazookas. Pandora and Amber had AK's and Uzi's while Snowie was packing a couple of AA12's and enough drum mags to start a mini-revolution. Humphrey had his ELG [aka Experimental Laser Gun] on full capacity as well as his usual AK and Glocks.
We accessed the lower corridor to see Posie hovering outside RMD#1's cell with a really odd look on her face. The kind of look where mew want to look, but mew also want to look away, but mew end up looking and are freaked the bejeezus out by what mew're looking at.
She suddenly turned and signalled fur us to stop. We did and thank cod we did because in the next moment those face-hugging-octo-spider aliens began to pour out of the the bars and into the corridor.
They moved with an odd jerky, scuttley and slippery squelching vibe, and believe me when I tell mew it was most disconcerting. And they were fast.
Humphrey moved front and centre and pointed his gun at the rapidly approaching face-leaching-egg-laying-hideousness's.
"Say the wurd Basil!" he growled.
I was just about to yell, 'FIRE,' when Bob popped up down the far end of the corridor and shouted. "Don't shoot Basil!"
Some the the face-hugging freaks turned sharply and headed his way, and right then in that moment, I had no clue what to do. If we opened fire Bob we be toast, if we didn't fire Bob would be toast, if we just sat there we'd all just be toast and alien fodder.
"BOB MEW'D BETTER HAVE A PLAN DUDE!" I yelled.
It's that time of the post, when we bet mew've more questions than mew can shake your tail at!
OMC How could mew leave us hanging like that and we've got a whole week to wait?!
OH MY COD!!!!! OH MY COD!!!!! OH MY COD!!!!!
Like seriously ~ What the flip is going on?
Seriously dudes, mew defo have alien eggs on-board?
And creepy alien lava hatching with tentacles and goo and stuff... eeeeeewwwwwwww!
And where did Bob go?
And why's he just popped up on the lower level?
How come Posie didn't see him?
What are mew going to do?
Jeez, this is real bad!
In fact this is even wurse than last week!
BTW weren't mew supposed to be in Walvis Bay by now?
If mew have any questions, or would like to offur input, leave us a comment, as mew know we luffs them so much! MOL
Join us fur Part Ten of our Summer Blockbuster next Tuesday, when we continue on our epically epic adventure.... who knows what will happen.... as now we have to save Bob from being molested by an alien in the most unpleasant way imaginable!
Ahoy there me hearties, welcome to ye on this mostly auspicious day, and in honour of this rare event we be thinking it be fitting to share with thee a truly extraordinary adventure that befell on us on this day exactly two years ago... are ye ready to relive the pirate adventure of a lifetime? Hold onto ye hats matey's as this is one adventure mew'll neffur furget as long as ye live arrrrrrrrr!
Featuring our latest bonkers time travelling pirate adventure
The Extraordinary Voyages of Cap'n Basil Blackheart and his Motley Crew aboard The Crimson Revenge
Aharrrrrrr me hearties and wunderpurr greetings
Here we be again on another truly unbelievable adventure, this time on the high seas.
I know it must seem quite impossible some of bizarre things which happen to us, [on a furry frequent basis] but paw on heart and let lightning strike me down if I effur tell an untruth... this is a; 'as it happens' or a 'squirrels eye-view' or a 'fly in the soup' whoops sorry, I meant to say 'fly on the wall documentary' kinda vibe.
Join us as we share the facts of what happened on that fateful Sunday night, as we sailed back home from Speedy's Pawesome Pirate Party So hold ye fast matey's, as we be in fur a wild ride tonight
Part I ~ The Whirlpool
It was a chilly September evening, the breeze was biting and the sun was supurr low, just peaking above the horizon saying a fond farewell to another glorious day. We'd just set sail on our ship, The Crimson Revenge with a course plotted back home after a rather wild and wunderpurr weekend at Speedy's place fur his Annual Pirate Party. Let's just what happened at Speedy's stays at Speedy's! MOL
"Parsley, wake up the glow-flies in the lanterns!" I called.
"Aye Cap'n," Parsley replied as darkness descended on us like an inky black shroud.
"Smooch, anything on the horizon?" I yelled towards the crows nest.
Smooch popped up, his night vision telescope scanning the blackness ahead. "No Cap'n, all clear!" he called back.
I leaned against the ships wheel and took a deep breath of the invigorating salty air, there's nothing like it fur freshness [well, snowy, icy air up a mountain comes close after being chased by a hoard of Zombie Yeti's, but that's another story fur another time]. Anyhoo as I stood there, each one of the glow lanterns burst into life after Parsley had given them a rather severe shaking.
"Good job young Parsley!" I said as the deck was washed with a pale bluish hue. "Humphrey? Humphrey?"
Snowie nudged me. "He's strapped in a hammock below deck sleeping off the nip rum and all the party food, Pilchard is with him," she said with a shake of her head. "He'll be out fur hours, but the funny thing is he looks like a kitty chrysalis, I wunder if he'll be nicer when he emerges from his cocoon!"
We burst out laughing. "I doubt it furry much," I replied. "He'll be as grumpy as effur!"
Amber lifted her eye-patch and glared at me. "How come I can't go and get in a hammock?"
I paused briefly, looking at the state of her. "Because mew, One Eye Amber were so off your chops mew couldn't even crawl up the gang plank and then mew fell into the water," I answered curtly. "I think mew are quite sober after that little impromptu icy dip, and just look at the state of your fur. I think mew should go take a bath pronto, savvy..."
Amber harrumphed rather loudly and stomped off, disappearing behind the main mast fur a quick clean up.
Posie began to sing softly, her voice was melodic and soothing as it wafted gently on the breeze while we sailed on in the dark.
We had been sailing fur approximately forty one minutes and fifteen seconds when the sea started to become rather choppy. White foamy spray splashed offur the deck and the ship began to lurch rather alarmingly.
"Smooch, what the flip is happening?" I yelled above the increasing noise of the rising waves.
A few seconds passed, and I gripped the ships wheel tighter as a strong current took hold.
As I was fighting with the wheel Smooch answered.
"Sorry Cap'n I had to attach my safety straps furst," he shouted loudly from the crows nest. "The good news is, they're holding me in place..."
"What's the bad news then?" I yelled back as forked lightning streaked across the sky in ways I'd neffur seen before.
He paused again. "The bad news is really bad news," he shouted.
Snowie was helping me hold the ships wheel as we were battered with the icy sea spray while the lightning flashed and thunder boomed all around us.
"Kindly relieve us from this suspense, tell us what the bad news is!" I almost shrieked to make myself heard above the din.
"We're being dragged into a whirlpool with a massive water-funnel and there's nothing we can do about it!" Smooch had to scream above the effur increasing noise.
I paused fur a second while I let this humongous bad news sink in, then I shouted as loudly as I could.
"Effurypurrdy strap yourselves to anything that's not going to move, NOW!"
I threw a length of rope at Snowie and then, using another length of rope I lashed myself to the ballustrading, then I gripped the ships wheel with all my might, if this whirlpool was taking us down then I was going down as a propurr captain; at the helm.
I jammed my hat on extra tight, and wiped the the salty sea spray from my eyes as we continued on a course I had no control over and in storm conditions I neffur knew were possible.
The ship pitched and rolled, the wood creaking and groaning with the immense pressure as we were sucked faster and faster into the spiralling vortex. Relentless waves crashed across the deck while lightning erupted from the central vortex in jagged, fractured forks. I just prayed to any god that may have been listening that my crew were fastened tightly to something as the angle we were now on; sideways on and looking straight down into the gaping maw of the deadly unknown, because if they weren't securely tied to something they were surely going to be lost fureffer.
The pitching and rolling became increasingly violent as we descended the through the cyclic centrifuge in tighter and tighter circles as the huge funnel of water loomed up above us like a giant coiling snake hell bent on smashing us and The Crimson Revenge to smithereens.
The only thing going through my mind was that this was some really, really, monumentally freaky natural phenomenom and the chances that we were going to survive it, well let me just say I wasn't holding my breath!
I was abruptly brought back from my momentary mind-scape by my crews terrified high-pitched screams as we reached what could only be described as the mouth of hell, and then there was nothing but blackness.
Guy's, we're sorry to leave mew in all in acute, harrowing suspense, but mew know that's how we roll! MOL
Also, I bet mew've got endless questions, such as:
How come The Crimson Revenge didn't get turned into toothpicks?
What about Kitty Chrysalis Humphrey below decks?
Where are all the crew?
And did they all get time to strap themselves to something secure?
What about Smooch in the crows-nest, surely that mast couldn't still be intact?
That whirlpool/water-funnel/storm is truly frightening, devastating, destructive, etc... can mew really survive it?
If mew have any questions feel free as to ask!
* * *
So stop by next Tuesday fur the continuing tension and to see if we survive this cataclysmic weather phenomenom...nom...nom!
[Obviously we did! MOL]
But mew don't have to wait that long anymore... here's the links fur effury episode just in case mew missed out on this epically epic journey! MOL
And if that's not enough excitement fur mew... DON'T FURGET TO JOIN US TOMORROW FUR OUR LATEST WILD & MADCAP ADVENTURE IN PART IX OF The Last Big Jolly We're sorry it's going to be a day late, but The Nether Void would freeze offur before we'd effur miss out on this epically epic day! MOL